i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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