You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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