Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
