Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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