careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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