when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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