I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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