But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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