he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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