i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you made out with another girl for some wings
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
