Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
