FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
