I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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