her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
