Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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