he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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