pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
