also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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