Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize