he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
