just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
