last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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