Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
