I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
