Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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