dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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