Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
