i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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