How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
