she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
