"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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