i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
