Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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