I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sarcasm needs its own font
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
