y did u give ur computer a hand job?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
