I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
