At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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