I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
