He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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