Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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