Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
