does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
