my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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