all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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