Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
