Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
