oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
