i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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