I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
