We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize