Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
