Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
