is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
