Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize