peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
