she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My balls are so social today.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
