Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
