When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
