I CAN MOONWALK!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
