Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
