Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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