Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dignity is for republicans.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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