Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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