Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
