K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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