I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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