there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
