And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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