I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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