READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
she peed on how many people?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
