4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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