Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
