What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
